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Conrad, Joseph, 1857-1924

"An Outcast of the Islands"

Remember, I hadn't heard from you for four months.
Didn't know whether you were alive or dead. Patalolo would have nothing
to do with me. My own men were deserting me like rats do a sinking hulk.
That was a black night for me, Captain Lingard. A black night as I sat
here not knowing what would happen next. They were so excited and rowdy
that I really feared they would come and burn the house over my head.
I went and brought my revolver. Laid it loaded on the table. There were
such awful yells now and then. Luckily the child slept through it, and
seeing her so pretty and peaceful steadied me somehow. Couldn't believe
there was any violence in this world, looking at her lying so quiet and
so unconscious of what went on. But it was very hard. Everything was at
an end. You must understand that on that night there was no government
in Sambir. Nothing to restrain those fellows. Patalolo had collapsed. I
was abandoned by my own people, and all that lot could vent their spite
on me if they wanted. They know no gratitude. How many times haven't I
saved this settlement from starvation? Absolute starvation.


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