And to add immeasurably to her misery, she was now suddenly
possessed by the idea, which for a long time remained immovably fixed,
that, agonizing as had been her effort after silence, she had failed in
her resolve, and broken the promise she imagined she had given to James;
that she had been false to him, brought him to shame, and for ever ruined
his prospects; that she had betrayed him into the power of her aunt, and
through her to the authorities of the church! That was why she had never
heard a word from him, she thought, and she was never to see him any more!
The conviction, the seeming consciousness of all this, so grew upon her
that, one morning, when her infant was not yet a month old, she crept from
the house, and wandered out into the world, with just one shilling in a
purse forgotten in the pocket of her dress. After that, for a time, her
memory lost hold of her consciousness, and what befel her remained a
blank, refusing to be recalled.
When she began to come to herself she had no knowledge of where she had
been, or for how long her mind had been astray; all was irretrievable
confusion, crossed with cloud-like trails of blotted dreams, and vague
survivals of gratitude for bread and pieces of money.
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