His
father was out of doors, and him James did not see.
CHAPTER XXI
As time went on, the terror of discovery grew rather than abated in the
mind of the minister. He could not tell whence or why it should be so, for
no news of Isy reached him, and he felt, in his quieter moments, almost
certain that she could not have passed so completely out of his horizon,
if she were still in the world. When most persuaded of this, he felt
ablest to live and forget the past, of which he was unable to recall any
portion with satisfaction. The darkness and silence left over it by his
unrepented offence, gave it, in his retrospect, a threatening aspect--out
of which at any moment might burst the hidden enemy, the thing that might
be known, and must not be known! He derived, however, a feeble and right
cowardly comfort from the reflection that he had done nothing to hide the
miserable fact, and could not now. He even persuaded himself that if he
could he _would_ not do anything now to keep it secret; he would leave all
to that Providence which seemed hitherto to have wrought on his behalf: he
would but keep a silence which no gentleman must break!--And why should
that come abroad which Providence itself concealed? Who had any claim to
know a mere passing fault, which the partner in it must least of all
desire exposed, seeing it would fall heavier upon her than upon him? Where
was any call for that confession, about which the soutar had maundered so
foolishly? If, on the other hand, his secret should threaten to creep out,
he would not, he flattered himself, move a finger to keep it hidden! he
would that moment disappear in some trackless solitude, rejoicing that he
had nothing left to wish undisclosed! As to the charge of hypocrisy that
was sure to follow, he was innocent: he had never said anything he did not
believe! he had made no professions beyond such as were involved in his
position! he had never once posed as a man of Christian experience--like
the soutar for instance! Simply and only he had been overtaken in a fault,
which he had never repeated, never would repeat, and which he was willing
to atone for in any way he could!
On the following Saturday, the soutar was hard at work all day long on the
new boots the minister had ordered of him, which indeed he had almost
forgotten in anxiety about the man for whom he had to make them.
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