It was a pitiable failure, worse
if possible than my own, and I never made another attempt. Even General
Winder, who was a fine advocate, and a capital speaker before a jury,
boggled wretchedly before the club, and our President, Watkins, who was
said to be exceedingly eloquent before the great Masonic lodges, where
he occupied the highest position, could not be persuaded to open his
mouth, and all the rest of the brethren were mutes. True, it was like
apostrophizing your own grandmother, in the hope of raising a laugh or
of bringing tears into her eyes, to make speeches at one another across
the table, whatever Moliere might be able to do, when alone with his
aged servant. Nor did it much help the matter, when, with a view to the
treasury, which began to threaten a collapse, we made a law, like that
of the Medes and Persians which altereth not, whereby it was provided,
among other things, that no member should ever talk over five minutes,
nor stop short of three, under any circumstances,--the President being
timekeeper, and the sufferer not being allowed to look at a watch. Fines
of course were inevitable, and we were once more able to luxuriate on
bread and cheese, with an occasional pot of beer,--nothing better or
stronger being tolerated among us under any pretence, except on our
anniversaries, when the President, or sometimes a member, stood treat,
and gave us a comfortable, though not often a costly or showy supper.
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