"In what
part of me am I not injured and torn?" "My continued solitude only still
further enfeebles me, and really my weakness often amounts to a swoon.
Oh! do not further grieve me, for the man with the scythe (_Sensenman_)
will grant me no long delay." His journal entries on this account, are
the utterances of a creature at bay; of a being in the last extremity.
"O! hoere stets Unaussprechlicher, hoere mich deinen ungluecklichen
ungluecklichsten aller Sterblichen."
It was not alone the necessity for study and other restraints, which led
the young man to absent himself as much as possible from his uncle's
house when he grew older and had more liberty of action. Comfortable
living was not one of the factors in the Beethoven menage. Beethoven's
requirements, so far as he himself was concerned, were simple almost to
asceticism. He believed in discipline in the rearing of youth, but his
belief in it did not extend to the point of inducing him to attempt it
with his servants. The explanation of this is not far to seek. He would
have had to conform to any rules made in the interest of discipline and
system in the household, which would have been out of the question for
him.
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