If I do not betray the
fact, waking, I shall surely do it in my sleep; for I think of it
all the time. Mother surprised me while reading your letter. I am
afraid she saw it in my hand. She importuned me to give her my full
confidence; and to refuse was one of the hardest trials of my life.
I feel that I am changing under this new, painful experience. The
ordeal is too fiery. If it continues much longer, I shall cease to
be what I was when you were here; and you will find me, on your
return, so changed as to be no longer worthy of your love. Oh, sir!
pity the child you have awakened from a peaceful, happy dream, into
a real life of mingled pain and joy. From the cup you have placed to
my lips, I drink with an eager thirst. The draught is delicious to
the taste, but it intoxicates--nay, maddens me!
"Write back to me at once, dear Mr. Lyon! I shall count the minutes
as hours, until your letter comes. Let the first words be--'Tell all
to your mother.' If you cannot write this, we must be as strangers,
for I will not bind myself to a man who would make me untrue to my
parents.
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