This morning I had no time for retirement
before breakfast; and, should circumstances ever become
less under my control, this habit may prevent
my having any morning oblation. The weakness and
sinfulness of my heart have been making me almost
tremble at the thought of another year: how shall I
meet its thousand dangers and not fall? In religious
communications in our house, I am apt to look for
any intimation that I could appropriate of a shortened
pilgrimage; but very little of the sort has occurred:
indeed, I expect my selfish wish will not be gratified,
of escaping early from this toilsome world; but how
rash and ungrateful are such thoughts! how much
better all these things are in my Father's hands! Oh,
if I may be there too in the form of passive clay,
and receive all His tutoring and refining, this will be
enough: and should my future way be full of sorrows,
heaven will bring me sweeter rest at last; when the
whole work is done, when the robes are quite washed,
when the fight is quite fought, and the death died;
when the eternal life, which shall blossom above, is
brought into actual health here, and real fellowship
is made with my last hour.
_1st Mo. 10th_, 1845. I am inclined to set down
the events of my little world for the past week; that
in days to come, should it prove that I have been
following "cunningly devised fables," I may beware
of such entanglements again; and that if they be
found a guidance from above, their contemptibleness
and seeming folly may be shown to be in wisdom.
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