It is indeed very good, as thou sayest, to be sometimes
alone, and at times I trust I have found it so; but it has
its dangers also, especially to me, who am perhaps more
apt to make self of too much importance than to shrink
from "due responsibility and authority." Indeed, this
latter word belongs not to me at all, and if I may but
keep life in me, (or have it kept,) well indeed will it be.
Oh, till we have grace enough willingly to do the smallest
matters, thankfully to "sit in the lowest room," meekly
and patiently to be put out of our own way, and see our
plans and intentions frustrated, and find ourselves of
small account or value in the Church or in the world,
yes, till we have grace enough to forget self altogether,
"content to fill a little space, so thou art glorified," I
know not where is our claim to be followers of Him
"who made Himself of no reputation." I am very far
from this. Couldst thou have seen how much hold the
many small duties of my lonely week have taken on my
mind, how little time I have found for the purpose for
which we both value solitude, and how much my "lightly
stirred" spirit has been hurried about from one object to
another, I fear thou wouldst scarcely think even this
note other than presumptuous. Oh, how should I be rebuked
by the thought,
"One thing is needful, and but one:
Why do thy thoughts on many run?"
_12th Mo.
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